Updated: Dec 27, 2020
Saturday Circle Reflections, November 28, 2020
Today, it was clear to me that we are always creative and creating. The choice we have is to create with intention and purpose or to disown our agency and choose a path of resistance, thus creating chaos.
I was underwater, in what felt like a shipwreck. I felt helpless and at the whim of the murky water that had swallowed up everything that surrounded me. No matter how hard I fought, I could not escape, and in fact, the harder I fought, the worse everything got.
And then, I saw tiny tentacled arms crawling out of a crevice. It was a baby octopus. At first, it seemed at the mercy of the ebbs and flows of the water, just like me. Eventually, I could see that it wasn't at the mercy of the waves at all.
This tiny little Octopus instinctively knew how to give itself over just enough to ride the waves but not so much that it would lose its agency, it was using the waves to get where it wanted to go. I was in awe of how all at once, this creature seemed in complete surrender while maintaining a very self-directed purpose.
I watched it magically transform into a multitude of things when and as it needed to. It possessed this magical ability to seemingly transform itself into anything. And this was possible because it understood how to completely surrender without giving itself up in the process.
I felt how I fought being swallowed up by the water and how my terror resulted in grasping for a sense of control that I could never possibly attain there. I felt how, as a result, what I created was a chaos that was beyond my ability to shape or control.
In that chaos, I felt separate from everything happening around me. That little Octopus was able to submit to a simple truth that I couldn't grasp: when I am in resistance, I create the chaos I feel so victim to.