This is not rage; this is my sadness on fire. - F.K. Brown

Updated: Dec 20, 2020

Sunday Circle Reflections November 22, 2020

Today, I quickly realized that even if it looked a little different from week to week, this circle has been stuck at the fulcrum between grief and rage for a long while.

During the treatment, I experienced destruction as a purifying force and my rage as a cleansing fire. I have never felt a catharsis so powerful as I did by the end of today's treatment.

From the crown to the third eye, I saw image after image of destructive divinities. I didn't know most of the faces that appeared by name, and most were unfamiliar to me, but I knew instinctively that their divine purpose was to rain fire down on a thing until it was utterly transmuted.

At the throat chakra, all those divinities had merged into a panther, which embodied my rage. And the panther roared, breathing fire. I felt such anger. And this rage just burned until it felt like there was nothing left to burn. By the time I got to the heart chakra, there was such a lightness. Even though it felt like hellfire on earth, allowing my fiery rage to burn through me was the key to accessing my heart. I was able to feel my grief with a compassion for myself I very rarely have access to.

And I felt in my body what John Pierrakos said, "A defended person has no room for love or compassion - he is too busy defending himself." Allowing that rage to burn through me, instead of continually working to defend myself from it and numb it, freed me and gave me access to my heart and to my compassion.

The key to opening our heart and feeling your capacity for love and compassion lies in your willingness to recognize your anger. Once you are willing to name it, you can face it and let it burn through you, relieving you of the constant effort to hide or dismiss it.

Perhaps you already feel a shift from today's session. Or maybe this will prompt you to look for the telltale signs of any unacknowledged anger you may be carrying around. When you do, be sure to find a safe outlet. This is about you having all your feelings, it does not have to be an exercise in confrontation.

Try journaling, or scream into a pillow, or perhaps you need to pound on that pillow with your fists while screaming. Or, try simply sitting in it. Meditate on your anger and allow it to run through your body in stillness. It might take attempts for it to really run through your system. While it does, observe what it stirs in you physically before it inevitably burns itself out.

As always, please do be sure to take care of yourself, drink lots of water, and be gentle. If you find yourself in need of support, feel free to reach out to me.

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